


is there somewhere?

by perksofbeingabooknerd



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Song - Freeform, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perksofbeingabooknerd/pseuds/perksofbeingabooknerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Hero love each other, but neither of them are brave enough to say it.</p><p>songfic to "is there somewhere?" by halsey</p>
            </blockquote>





	is there somewhere?

**Author's Note:**

> song: is there somewhere? by halsey
> 
> lyrics are in italics
> 
> as always, i own nothing but my creativity

They knew there was no going back the first morning they woke up in the same bed. It was all or nothing.

And yet, neither of them wanted this. 

He wasn’t supposed to look at her that way. He wasn’t supposed to think about her every day.

She wasn’t supposed to find her home in his eyes. She couldn’t love him. He wasn’t for her to love. 

“I’m scared,” she whispered the first time he kissed her. She realized they were both shaking.

“I know,” he said softly. 

_You told me this was right where it begins._

They never said it, but the words were in every look exchanged. 

It was there, but they both pretended there was nothing.

She was terrified of history repeating itself. He was terrified of being consumed by love. 

 _And I promised myself I wouldn’t let you complete me._  

She hated when they were apart. She hated how alone she felt. 

He visited home for the weekend and it was the longest two days of her life. She was furious that she couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t feel right, until he was there again. It scared the shit out of her. She hated feeling that vulnerable, and did whatever it took to avoid that feeling.

It always hung in the air between them. But they were just friends. Hero had made that very clear. And so John went along with it. He wouldn’t admit that it was a relief to ignore this. He felt wrong, loving her. 

She couldn’t keep her distance; she hated herself for it. She didn’t know what to do.

_I’m trying not to let it show, that I don’t want to let this go._

He was the best thing to happen to her in a long time. She hadn’t seen it coming, not at all. Not in a million years. Too many nights passed by trying to make sense of it.

John looked at her and knew, she just got him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone understood him this well. He tried not to let it scare him.

He found her one night, sobbing under a streetlight, a block from her flat. Didn’t even think twice about pulling her into his arms and soothing her. She hated how safe she felt, how calm he made her, just by stroking her hair and rubbing circles on her back. She wondered how on earth one person could have the power to both fix everything and to ruin you completely. 

_Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings._

_And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing._

They didn’t even let themselves think the words. It would be too real then.

 _You’re writing lines about me, romantic poetry._  

But there were times John would find himself hunched over his notebook, scrawling “I love her” on page after page. Would always resist the urge to scratch the words out, scratch them out of his brain. It was only when she was gone that he dared to write more. She would never see it.

The day it finally all came bubbling to the surface, she looked him in the eye and told him she felt nothing. She didn’t love him. 

To say it was like a blow to the stomach didn’t even come close to doing it justice. 

That same night, he ripped out all the pages he’d written and knocked everything off his desk, his heart twisted in rage and pain.

She fell asleep sobbing into her pillow, certain she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

_And I try to refrain, but you’re stuck in my brain._

It took Hero five days to gather the courage to face him again. She wasn’t sure she could handle the emptiness any longer.

She almost didn’t knock on his door. 

Then she saw his face, and he was still familiar but different at the same time. Her eyes drunk in the sight of him. This was the right thing. This was where she wanted to be.

Without thinking about it too much, she jumped.

“I love you. I’m so sorry, but…I love you. And I’ve been a coward this whole time, I just…being with you scares the shit out of me but at the same time, it feels… completely right, and I didn’t expect this, but… it feels like the forever kind of love. I’m sorry.”

_I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight._

_I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight._

He smiled. The sight of it trapped her breath in her throat. She’d missed it so much it made her ache. 

This was the right thing. This is where she wanted to be.

“John?” She mumbled, her heart pounding. “Say something. Please.”

He forced himself to look at her. Ignored his sheer terror and jumped with her.

“I love you, too.”

_I’m sorry but I fell in love tonight._

_I didn’t mean to fall in love tonight._

_You’re looking like you fell in love tonight._


End file.
